I didn't want to go...

but I'm glad I did. Here are some pictures of my graduation. I was a "left behind" after I broke my wrist so a lot of my close friends from school had already graduated a semester ahead of me. But, here are some pics of some special people.



Me and Kirstin



Kirsten, me, and Julie



nurses waiting around



the Kirstin's

Only totally inappropriate men find me attractive - episode 2

I'll keep it brief. I was on the ferry, unshowered, frizzy haired, no makeup, and wearing workout pants. This guy, and his two friends, who were all obviously very hungover from the night before, sit directly in front of me - facing me. I look up and the guy is totally staring me down - right in my eyes! The freak that I am freaked out and looked away, went completely red in the face, and reverted to reading my book. The guy then proceeded to ask his friends for a "style report" to which I didn't hear the answer, and when I put my book down at one point I heard his friend say, "there's your opening." From eavesdropping I learned the guy was actually quite intelligent and I think an Accountant. So maybe not that inappropriate. I tried to make eye contact with him again but I guess I blew my chance. I seriously need an in-service to build this skill. I know that one day it will all work out just fine.

How I'm Feeling / Work's kinda sucky

It's 5:18pm, and I have to leave for work at 6:00pm. I have to say I don't want to go at all. I've been waiting all day to go to work, and I'm already tired. It's my second night shift and although I'm orienting, I just get so nervous and anxious. Nursing is not an easy job, and I'm not saying that just because I am a nurse. I really look up to those who have done it for years and years. Apparently the nervousness doesn't really go away - ever - and you never ever know everything. Great.

My memory sucks. I don't understand much of what I do, and I feel totally stupid when people (patients and doctors) ask me questions and I don't know the answer - either because I can't remember the answer (like someone's blood pressure from 3 hours earlier) or I really don't know the answer and haven't had a chance to look it up (yesterday this guy asked me about every pill he was going to be getting LATER THAT DAY which I hadn't even looked at yet because I was too busy trying to keep up with the present meds etc)

I just have to vent. The next 6 months to a year are going to be brutal and I have to convince myself that I can handle it. My apartment is already a mess, I haven't cooked a proper meal in a long time, and I miss my friends. 12 hour shifts seem to go on and on. Last night at work I actually had a moment where I didn't know if it was 6 am or pm. It was only a brief lapse, but still significant. And when I got home at 8pm, I walked into the lobby of my apartment building and it was all torn up - and I thought "just how long have I been at work!?" I'm very certain it didn't look like that when I left at 6:20am.

Anyways, to keep things positive, here are some things I'm looking forward to:
1) friday morning - 7am (I will then have the weekend off)
2) The Amazing Race - saturday - a 12 hour fundraiser I'm doing with Lindsey - all over Vancouver on transit - hopefully we'll still be friends on sunday
3) Sunday - a whole day off to myself, except for church in the morning. hopefully I won't get too anxious thinking about work on monday.
4) Spending more time at my parents place - whenever I can.

P.S. I got a new computer! A mac! So I haven't posted any pics because I can't figure out how to - yet. I have some pics of my grad to come.

Sunday afternoon blues

I've got the Sunday afternoon blues. I don't want to go to work tommorrow. At all. I'm starting to get stressed out thinking about it. Two days off is definitley not enough. I have to say for this reason I'm glad I'm a nurse. Once I'm done orientation I'll get 2 to 4 days off and will never be at work for more than 4 days in a row. Mind you those are 12 hour day and 12 hour night shifts...but I can handle that as long as I have some time off to enjoy my new "time off."

This morning was wonderful. I went to Tenth Ave Alliance and it was awesome! Ken's message was just what I needed and the music was great. I love that place. Then my friend had her birthday lunch at this really great restaurant in Yaletown called Glowbal. I had eggs benny with panchetta, fries, and a salad. Fabulous. Now I'm at home, in my pyjamas (at 5:40pm) and I'm not wanting to go to work tommorrow. I still haven't cleaned up my stuff from cramming for the exam and I was hoping to start some sewing projects this weekend but that's going to have to wait. I'm in the middle of doing laundry, have to cook my meals for the next two days, and... Work sucks. I wish I could just stay home and have fun all the time.

Fog

It's been really foggy here lately. Unusually so. I don't remember fog like this ever before, for such a prolonged period. And it's been coming in really fast. I have even heard the foghorn in Steveston blowing a few times in the past week. It's kind of a nice sound.

I think fog is a good thing.


One afternoon last week I was walking on the dyke with a friend and took this picture. Usually you can see the ocean and mountains in the distance. This section of the dyke is where some cows from an adjacent farm pasture. Sometimes when you're walking you have to stop to let the farmer lead the cows to the other side. It's totally old-school Richmond - living off the land naturally.

So, I'm supposed to be studying for my RN exam which is coming up quickly on wednesday. It's an 8 hour exam which covers everything I've learned in the past 4 years. Kind of a hard thing to study for eh? And I can't imagine failing - it would be very embarrasing and a total waste of time and money. I'm just going to do it, and trust that everything will all work out. It always does doesn't it. I'll be very glad when it's over and I can enjoy moving on. Starting a new job has been stressful, and with this exam looming over my head it's been an even more unenjoyable time. I often find myself thinking about how I'd like my life to be. Daydreaming of all the things I'm going to do when I'm free from school once and for all...being able to focus on work when I'm there, and focus on my own life when I'm not.

It's kind of ironic how fog forces you to look at only what immediately surrounds you. I have the image in my mind of walking on a path and looking at something up infront of me where I'd really rather be. But I realize that I've stopped walking and can't go on, because there's a huge log at my feet that I have to deal with. I could stay there forever, focusing on the distance, groaning and complaining and stomping my feet because I don't have what I want, but if I'd just do what needs to be done, if I'd just bend down and move the log, I'll be able to move on a whole lot faster. Why commit ourselves to suffering by wanting something immediately unattainable when there are things for us to accomplish in the here and now?

I guess I'm trying to say that fog can be a blessing. It forces us to look down at our feet and see what life has given us in the present. By wanting something different we miss the learning opportunities and joy that exists in our immediate surroundings. Trust that the life that exists before us, in the fog, will begreat, and enjoy it as it is revealed to us while continuing to walk steadily.

Only totally inappropriate men find me attractive

That's right. 4 days into my new job (actually working on the ward) I get hit on, I think, by yet another totally inappropriate man. I don't mean that he was BEING inappropriate, although he definitely was, but rather that he is inappropriate for ME. Some of you have heard my stories, like during my practicum on the psych ward, and the m*st*rbtr on the island (can you figure out my code? God forbid some sickos would come across my wee blog looking for **r*).

This time, this big middle aged tattooed biker guy who I can assure you with utmost positivity has links to a well known "club," and, after he tells me he's spent time in prison, used to "smell" illegal substances (if you catch my drift), and has a brother in prison for murder, looks at me and stops mid sentence in whatever mumbo jumbo is was rambling on about and says to me, "Please don't take this the wrong way, I don't want you to be offended, but, you're very pretty." He then goes on to assure me that he won't stalk me and that the only stalking he could ever do would be on a city bus cause he's too sick to actually stalk....

Please...all you normal guys about my age....I don't know...if you think it...say it maybe...?
You never know. What are you afraid of?